


Voice Of Reason Gone

by princey_pie



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (it was kind of a accident so but at the same time not? it will make sense i promise), Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Crying, M/M, Manipulation, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 03:38:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14276103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie
Summary: Logan desperatly searches for a way to help Virgil with his anxiety attacks. One night he seems to find one but he didn't know what was yet to come.





	1. The Beginning Of A Nightmare

It was not an unusual occasion for Thomas to have an anxiety attack. It surely wasn't one for Virgil either and he had still somehow managed to keep the worst from leaking through to Thomas. Logan glanced at his schedule again. He started it a few months ago in the hope of tracking a pattern in Virgil's attacks and come up with a more satisfying solution than trying to avoid unavoidable triggers. 

So far it didn't work. The only consistency he could read from the data was that it was getting worse. The number of attacks this month doubled in comparison to the last. He didn't think that Virgil could stand this amount of pressure much longer. Logan already saw the signs that the younger side was reaching its limit. Not even the makeup could hide the bags from extreme sleep deprivation and dehydration anymore. His malnutrition obvious too, his once comfortable hoddie seemed not only baggy but at least one size too big. To round it up, Logan was worried. A lot.

That's how he got here, sitting at his desk at 3 am (devils hour for your information) digging through his papers, trying to come up with any solution at all, only a few harsh breaths away from a breakdown of his own.

Then he heard a knock on his door. He quickly stood and opened. In front of him stood Virgil, looking simply miserable, the remains of tears and eyeshadow smeared across his face. Logan would have lied if he said that his heart didn't break a little (ok much) at that sight.

"Logan, I don't want to bother you b-but-", his voice broke.

"Don't worry. Come in", he said before closing the door, debating with himself if he should dare to hug the anxious side. However, the decision was drawn from him when a sobbing Virgil leaned against him, grasping the front of his polo shirt. Oh, how he wished he was as good as Patton with this kind of things.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?", he asked carefully after Virgil's sobs calmed down a little (much more likely that he was too exhausted to continue at full force).

"N-nightmare", was the shaky response. "There was a hole in- in my room, and it was filled with wa- water, so deep, I couldn't get out and- and.."

Logan was at loss for words. He doubted that a scientific explanation of the impossibility of that dream would help Virgil. How could he make the other feel better?

"But it's not possible, right Lo?"

Well, maybe it would help indeed. "See Virgil, first of all, we're all different aspects of Thomas' mind, so we can't die neither do we have a need for air." Logan couldn't even begin to describe his relief as Virgil visibly calmed down at that explanation. Finally, something he can assist with. He continued to explain the more complex functions of the mindscape for a quite a while until Virgil's breathing and heartbeat fell back into his usual pattern. The boy withdrew from Logan's embrace and smiled, sad and tired, but it was a smile. Logan felt like exploding with relieved happiness and yes, a little bit of pride. Virgil is one to listen to the voice of reason after all.

"Thank you, Logan. Now, I think I'll try to catch a few hours of sleep until morning."

"You do that, Virgil. Rest well", he smiled at his friend as he stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind. He then decided that he could definitely use some sleep too, and unceremonially laid down in bed, turning off the light and falling asleep instantly, not used to being awake so late.

In the hallway, Virgil smiled to himself as he saw the light in Logan's room is being turned off. Only then his outlines began to glimmer. They seemed to grow and expand, changing into a dark figure, dressed in his typical cape and bowler hat, yellow eyes glowing in the dark.


	2. A Secret Found Out

Virgil didn't mention the incident of last night again and Logan wouldn't want to embarrass him by saying something himself. So he stayed silent.

Until a few nights later when he heard a thud-sound coming from the bathroom. Given that Patton and Roman leaved together on a quest for the weekend, Logan assumed that it was Virgil and decided to check on him. 

He knocked on the wooden bathroom door. "Virgil, are you in there?" There was no answer, only a quiet whimper. "Virgil, are you okay?" When he received no answer, he reached for the doorknob only to find it locked. "Virgil, can you open the door? Do you hear me? Virgil?"

Logan did his best to not give in to the panic. "Virgil, I'm coming in." With that, he kneeled in front of the look, pulled two little pieces of metallic wire out of his pocket and picked the lock. It clicked open after 4 seconds, marking a new personal record.

Logan carefully pulled the door open and saw Virgil sitting on the bathroom floor, head leaned against the wall, back facing the door. "Virgil, what-" he stopped abruptly next to the other side when he noticed the smell. 

Heavy, dark, like rusty iron. Next thing he saw was the blood, the bright vibrant red looked so odd on the otherwise so dark clothed side. Now the red cuts on his pale skin were screaming at Logan 'Wrong! Wrong! This is wrong!' 

Logan snapped out of his racing thoughts, grabbed the first aid kit from under the sink and pressed bandages and a variety of cotton balls coated in alcohol to Virgil's wrists as he tried to stop the bleeding with shaking hands while whispering sweet nothings. The whole time he avoided to look at the razor blade on the floor and he refused to notice that the boy's empty gaze was still fixed on the tiles of the wall.

As Logan was finished wrapping the other's arms in thick bandages Virgil seemed to regain some of his control over his body parts. He shifted until his back was resting against the wall.

"I'm sorry, Lo. I didn't want to- I just- It makes the voices stop. I overdid it, but I would never- I don't think that I could actually- I mean- Please don't tell the others."

"It's ok. Everything's gonna be ok. Just promise me to come to me before you- you do that again." As much as Logan wanted to hear an explanation why he did so horrible things to himself, the priority was to keep Virgil save. To keep it from happening again. To keep him from cutting too deep next time.

He pulled the other into his arms and carried him to Logan's room. He needed that soothing atmosphere now. There was no way in hell he would leave the other alone right now.

When he woke up the next morning, Virgil was gone, the other side of the bed empty. He jumped out of the bed, adrenaline rushing through his veins. He practically sprinted out of his room and followed the noise downstairs into the common area where Virgil was sitting with Patton and Roman, who had apparently returned this morning. The three looked up, surprised as Logan fell down the stairs more than actually walking. 

"Hey easy there, teach, watch your steps. You're the one after all who told us not to run on the stairs", Patton chuckled. As he saw Logan panting, his eyebrows narrowed: "Is everything alright?"

Logan tried to catch his breath and observed Virgil in the meantime. As he saw that the other side looked definitely better, tired and confused, yes, but better, a gigantic wave of relief washed over him. "Yeah, I'm fine."


	3. First Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that you should read the goddamn tags (hopefully you already have)

Logan had to admit that he had trouble sleeping in the last few days. He still felt the need to constantly check on Virgil. He tried to talk to Patton about the whole situation but something (call it a gut feeling, he didn't even know he had those) held him back. That alone showed that his judgment was more than a little clouded.

So when he heard a knock on his door, again at the dead of night, he was on his feet in a second. As he opened the door, a red-eyed Virgil stared at this chest, apparently not even able to look him in the eyes.

"Virgil, is everything alright?" he asked, noticing that his voice turned soft at the sight of his distressed friend. Virgil didn't answer, just stood there slightly swaying. "Would you like to come in?" he asked while moving away from the door and sat down on his bed, glad that Virgil entered, closed the door behind him and sat beside him.

"When you found me- I mean, back there you said, that I should tell you next time I felt like- like it could happen again and…" Virgil fidgeted with the strings of his hoodie, obviously fighting back tears "and I can't get the voices to stop, nothing helps, never does, except that and now I can't do even that!" He was sobbing now but with great effort calmed himself down to be able to speak: "Logan, I- please."

Logan could feel helplessness creeping up on him again. Surely Virgil wasn't asking that of him what he thought he did?

"Virgil, what exactly are you-"

"I want you to show me how to do it right."

Logan shook his head, shuddering at the sheer thought of Virgil getting hurt even more. "Virge, I'm sorry, I can't- I can't do that. I-" Where were his precise explanations when he needed them?

"Lo, please. I know I can't stop and I'm scared that- that one day it'll be one cut too much or too deep and- it was so close last time, if it wasn't for you I could be dead by now." Logan shuddered at the thought of how close exactly he had been to losing Virgil forever. "Please," Virgil continued to beg, pain and fear shining in his wide brown eyes and yet so much trust that he would help him, "I know that I can trust you. You would never hurt me. Lo, please, I don't know what else to do…"

Logan took in a deep breath. "Ok." He shuddered again. "But you have to promise me something, Virgil. Don't hurt yourself when you're alone anymore. Am I here okay? Let me take care of you." He simply couldn't lose him.

"I promise, Lo. Thank you."

Logan was still debating with himself whether he went insane or simply having a very lucid nightmare when he got up to retrieve the first aid kit from under his desk. He still had it stored there for the case that he needed to patch up Roman after a particularly dangerous quest. He sat back down in the middle of the bed and opened the little suitcase, and took out a disinfectant and a scalpel and began to use it on the stainless steel.

After he made sure that all possible bacteria bad been whipped of the instrument he dared to look at Virgil again, unsure how to continue, half hoping that Virgil changed his mind at the sight of the blade. His hopes were unanswered though as he noticed how Virgil's far too calm eyes were now fixed on the shimmer of the metal.

"Virgil, are you sure that…?"

The other nodded and crawled into the logical side's lap, back facing Logan and head resting on his shoulder. The right sleeve of his hoodie was already pulled up over his elbow. Logan took a deep breath to calm his nerves, no matter how much he despised this whole situation, he needed a cool head to be of use for Virgil right now. He carefully took Virgil's wrist in his hand and brought it closer to the anxious side's chest.

"The first difference is, when you're cutting on the inside of your arm, is that the skin is thinner and more nerves are situated in it. Therefore you should apply less pressure than you need on the outer side." He sounded much more like the calm teacher the others often described him as, even while talking about such a morbid subject. "Secondly you should aim for very shallow cuts, even the tiniest bit is enough to draw blood. That will decrease the risk of blood loss, as well as nerve or even muscle damage. It will also decrease the healing period and the risk of an infection." He took another deep breath. "Lastly you should cut across the wrist, or vertically if you absolutely have to, not along the arm because that's where your main artery is positioned." With that he dragged the tip of the scalpel slightly across Virgil's underarm, leaving a thin red cut.

He almost jumped out of his skin when the pain made Virgil inhale sharply.

"Virgil!? I'm so sorry! I-"

"Don't worry, Lo, it's fine," he reassured, nuzzling his face into Logan's throat, "was just surprised, that's all."

"But doesn't it hurt?"

"Yeah, but in a good way, you know? It helps me to… feel and the scars they- they remind me that it's real, that I'm not making things up, that's it not just something in my head."

"Virge, I really don't want to hurt you."

"You could never, Lo. No matter what you did. And this? You are really helping me. Just remember that I trust you okay? So trust me with this."

Logan couldn't help but feel a warm sensation sweeping through him at the anxious sides words. Plus Virgil did seem far more relaxed in his embrace then before, his full body weight rested against Logan's chest, the arm that wasn't in his grip rested on the bedding and his shoulders were for once not drawn up in a defensive state. Maybe, just maybe he wasn't totally insane to agree to this? Sometimes you do have to make use of the wrong means to achieve the greater good. And Virgil's happiness was the greatest good Logan could think of.

He made another cut, another swing of the steel instrument which healing propose was twisted in an almost grotesque way. He could hear Virgil's breath evening out completely and felt his heart beat following soon. He made another cut.

At daybreak Deceit sneaked out of Logan's room, again shifting forms in the hallway. He rubbed the thick bandages Logan put on him before they went to sleep and winced as the three cuts ached. The lengths he had to go to get his revenge… But he knew that it will be worth every single second and even more to watch them fall. He smiled. They did cast him out for Thomas' whole life but soon they would have no other choice than to welcome him in their rows.


	4. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan noticed some changes and is very proud to think that his help is the cause. But the higher you fly, the longer you fall

Logan was relieved that his close observations of Virgil showed that his mental health was increasing. He spent more time around Patton and even Roman, slept more and whenever Patton made pasta he shoveled almost as much into his mouth as Roman (after seeing that Patton now made pasta twice a week). Even Thomas anxiety was easing up while Virgil's mood improved.

And while Logan didn't know all of the variables, he would like to think that his support played a big part in this development. The only thing that threw a shadow over these happy times was that their "calming sessions" became more frequent and… elaborate. It went from once a week to every third day and now Logan found Virgil on his doorstep almost every night. 

Logan was ashamed to admit that his hesitation has subdued somehow, that the guilt of making Virgil, his beloved thundercloud, bleed had vanished somewhere in the last weeks. That he internalized Virgil's assuring words, that Logan was indeed not hurting but helping him. That he heard them still, even if Virgil stayed silent like he seemed to prefer nowadays. Because they were true. He won't hurt Virgil. Never. Not for the world. He wasn't capable of that.

The others thought the change resulted in the long absence of Deceit from the mindscape. Patton told him that the snake-faced side was the main cause of Virgil's nightmares and that they lost in intensity after Roman found a way to apparently banish him from their side of Thomas' mind. 

But Logan knew better, he knew that it their sessions were the real reason. His help. 

But he also knew that Virgil wouldn't want to tell Patton about it, too afraid of rejection, the fear to be judged by Morality itself even though Logan was sure that not even Patton could find anything wrong with what they were doing.

Maybe it was better if they didn't tell anyone. It belonged to them after all. They now shared a special bond, one, Logan had to admit, he didn't desire to lose. Roman would be jealous of course so no, it was better not to tell them yet. 

To be honest Logan was proud that Virgil chose him as his companion and not one of the more emotionally skilled side. Even if it was just a side effect to helping Virgil it was nice to have his skills truly appreciated for once. Virgil listened to him, truly listened, not just pretending and nodding along with a blank stare. He was interested in what he had to say, a feeling Logan missed for a long while before the darker side appeared in the mindscape, finding calm in his grounding logic on top of their little sessions.

So it was no surprise for Logan when at another evening he opened his door after a knock and saw Virgil standing in front of it, again with the telltale signs of a freshly passed anxiety attack on his face.

Logan carefully pulled him into his room as Virgil opened his mouth, probably to apologize for coming to him again. Something Logan won't stand for, so he interrupted him before his thoughts could send him spinning again: "You don't bother me, Virgil, you should know this by now. You never could."

He gently cupped the other's face as they sat down on the bed and wiped away the tear tracks with his thumb.

"You want me to help you again, don't you?"

Virgil nodded timidly, eyes on the deep blue comforter while Logan stood to retrieve his instruments. Virgil still didn't look up until Logan wrapped his arms around him and started taking his hoodie off.

"Logan, what-"

"Shh, Virge, it's alright. Just hold still and let me help you," he placed the blade against Virgil's wrist, pleased with the fact that the scars from older cuts weren't visible anymore (he really should give his medical abilities more credit), "you trust me, don't you?"

"I-I do, but-"

Logan let out a pleased hum and, with a smooth flick of the scalpel, made the first cut. Virgil immediately fell silent but still trembled in his lap. 

'Today must have been worse than usual', Logan thought to himself, concerned that the anxious side didn't instantly go limp like he normally did. But that just meant that he needed to do, even more, he had to try harder, he couldn't let Virgil down.

"It's alright," Logan whispered into the other's ear, not noticing the fearful widened eyes. "Let me take care of you. You know that it helps. Just lean back and let your focus slip from all these thoughts in your head. Isn't it nice how the burn draws you in?"

Logan smiled as he felt Virgil shudder with the next couple cuts and finally slump against his chest.

Virgil mumbled: "Lo?" 

It sounded so exhausted. Logan could feel his heart painfully twist, he was quick to assure the other as he brought his hand up and swept his bangs away from Virgil's sweaty forehead.

"Shhh, I'm here for you. Always Virge. I'll never leave you."

\---

Virgil managed to tumble out of Logan's room hours later, wincing whenever the cuts on his arms and legs burned with his movements. He still tried to stay as quiet as possible to not make noise and disturb the others who were hopefully already sleeping. But luck just wasn't on his side tonight.

Just as he passed Patton's door it creaked open and the fatherly side stuck his head out. He smiled as he spotted Virgil: "Ah I knew it was my dark strange son I heard. You should really head to bed, V, it's already late." He then seemed to notice Virgil weird posture and slightly disheveled state. "Kiddo, are you okay?" he asked, concern clear in his voice.

"Yeah, Pat, I'm fine. Don't worry." Virgil really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, let alone lie to Patton.

"You're sure?" Patton wrinkled his forehead, smile long gone. "You know that you can talk to me any time, right?"

"I know, dad," Virgil put on his most convincing smile, "I'm just tired. So I'm taking your advice and will be heading to bed. You should too, by the way, don't stay up watching Steven Universe all night again."

Patton giggled: "Don't worry, I won't. I can already hear Logan lecturing us two night owls already. Good night kiddo, and don't let the bedbugs bite~"

Virgil sighed after Patton had closed his door and finally entered his own room. He laid down on his own bed, trying to ignore the ache of the cuts. It didn't feel like sleep would come anytime soon, Logan's words replaying in his head, sadly not the rant about a good nights sleep Patton was referring to.


	5. Stained Paper

For the duration of the next week, Virgil was deep in thought, he didn't know how to act around Logan anymore but he also knew that the intellectual side would immediately realize if he suddenly tried to avoid him. Not to mention that he lied in Patton's face. So it leads to quite a few awkward situations. It was still better than the alternative because if the other would notice his absence he would have to explain why he was avoiding Logan, a conversation he wasn't even remotely ready for, but he also would have to own up to lying. To be just like Deceit. He couldn't risk that, he just needed a bit of time to sort through the current events. His lack of sleep gave him plenty of time to do exactly that.

When another morning dawned he left his room and trotted down the hallway. In the kitchen, he poured himself his first cup of coffee, a bit grateful that it was too early for the others to come down for breakfast, the only meal the others didn't expect him to join because they still thought him asleep. Quite ironic now that he taught about it given that not even Patton was up yet. But maybe waking up early and not sleeping couldn't exactly be compared. He downed his entire cup in one go and then poured himself a second one to take upstairs into his room. The caffeine would give him the energy to last until Patton would call him down for lunch.

It was just his luck that right as he passed Roman's door he tripped over his own feet. The sudden movement jolted the cup in his hand, spilling its content over the drawing's that Roman taped to his door since he ran out of wall space in his room. Drawing that he was particularly proud of. Drawings that Virgil just ruined.

While he desperately tried to think of ways to fix it, the door opened and Roman starred at the mess, his shock quickly replaced with anger. "What-? What the everloving frick happened?!" His gaze then fixated on Virgil and his now empty mug. "What did you do?!" 

He ripped one of the artworks from his door and shook it in the fruitless attempt to get rid of the liquid that soaked into the paper and already began to leave stains. Frustrated tears shone in his eyes as he realized that he wouldn't be able to save what he considered his masterpieces.

"Did you do that on purpose or are you really that amount of bad luck, Anxiety?!"

Virgil flinched at that, it hurt more like it should but it reminded him so much of a time not so long ago.

As Roman noticed Virgil's movement he let out an annoyed huff that turned into a sigh halfway through: "Goodness Virgil, I didn't mean it like that, okay? But I mean look at that-" he gestured helplessly at the wet piece of paper "-and I'm so frustrated right now that I could just-" He clenched his fist before dropping it again, glaring holes in the stained carpet.

Virgil felt tears bubbling up his throat but pushed them back to talk: "Roman, I'm so s-"

Roman exploded again, his own tears now streaming down his face. "Don't say you're sorry, that doesn't fix anything! Just-" he let out a deep exhausted breath "-just go."

Virgil turned and trotted to his room, almost choking on the effort to hold down his sobs, tears mixing with his eyeshadow.

His bedroom door shut behind him, the final click of the lock slipping in place seemed to free the strangled noises from his throat. He curled into himself on his bed when his racing thoughts picked up pace more and more until they were nothing but noise in his head, suffocating his breathing. After some time, Virgil wasn't sure if it were hours or just a couple minutes, the exhaustion let his muscles relax and his thoughts slow down, along with his breathing, into a bearable pace. Bearable but definitely not fine.

He knew that Roman probably said that in the heat of the moment, that any of them won't cast him out again but the problem was that he couldn't be sure. Not completely which was just great for his anxiety. Knowing things and believing them was something entirely different after all. Virgil didn't want Roman to stay mad at him, not even for a few days, he didn't want to lose the friendship they managed to build over the time. But what else could he do if his apologies weren't welcome? Just wait it out and hope for the best? The thought alone sent his skin crawling again.

With a swift motion, he rolled out of bed, determined to do something to keep his thoughts from spiraling again. In the hallway, he suddenly paused when he realized where he intended to go. To Logan. Like he had done in the past since being accepted whenever he needed to work through his irrational fears, or at least to find out where his anxiety let him overreact and where actual caution would be proper. Until last week when that thing happened. The thing Virgil completely forgot about due to his Roman dilemma.

He brushed his fingertips over the arms of his hoodie, the fabric rubbing against the not fully healed cuts, he knew that red marks were still visible where Logan cut into his skin. So what now? Going back into his room wasn't an option, neither was Roman. And Patton? Virgil shook himself at the mere thought of even the slightest possibility to disappoint the fatherly side on top of the hurt it would cause him to know that his friends were fighting again. The arguments Roman and Logan frequently had stressed him enough.

Virgil's feet moved on their own, bringing him to the door of his last resolve: Logan. He tries to gather the bravery to knock. It's not like he doesn't trust Logan, on the contrary, he was just so fucking confused. 'But'- a little though rose in Virgil's mind- 'he did help me calm down. Took my mind of the issue.' Logan always knew what he's doing, he was Logic for goodness sake. Virgil's cheeks grew warm when he remembered what the other side had said to him: "I'm here for you. I'll never leave you." And wasn't that what he wanted for who knows how long? So why was he complaining? Why did he always have to go and try to ruin everything, even the one good thing he still had? Then he knocked, the door opening immediately.

"Virgil," Logan greeted him, the soft smile on his face that Virgil fell in love with so long ago, "are you alright?"

Virgil started to shake again, tears once more beginning to form at the question because no, he fucking wasn't okay. And goodness did he wanted to see that smile. So what if Logan would nip his skin a little to help him make feel better? He was doing this for Virgil because he cared and facing the other it became clear to Virgil that he wouldn't push him away for that. He just wanted some comfort was that too much to ask? And Logan offered it to him, who could blame him for accepting it, certainly he himself wouldn't.

"No," he finally choked out. "Roman-" He couldn't finish the sentence as he felt strong arms wrap around him.

"Ah, Virgil," Logan's voice was soft as he pulled the trembling boy close to his chest, running one hand through his hair, the other carefully rubbing his back, "come here love, let it all out. I'll help you, I promise, I will never let him hurt you again."


	6. Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaahhhh it's finally finished my dears. I'm so so excited that after akmost a year this is done. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing. Now have fun with this lovely ending!
> 
> A big thank you also to TheSinicanEmpire for giving me just a wonderful idea on how to pimp this chapter a bit!

Logan hummed to himself while he whipped some blood from his favorite knife, it was dark in the room as to not disturb Virgil in his sleep. He knew his way around even with the few adjustments he had to make over the last week. They were necessary since Virgil was staying with him full-time now, so he needed his equipment on display, ready to be used anytime. He smiled to himself, glad that Virgil adjusted so well to their life together. The last week was quite a success, Logan was certain that after a few more days not even the chains would be necessary anymore. Virgil already understood that he was doing this for his sake after all.

"Hey Pat, have you seen Virgil lately?" Roman poked his head into the kitchen, "I want to hold a turnier with flamethrowing manticores and Virgil offered to mimic the head of the guards to ensure the security for the imagination people to make it more realistic. I also want to apologize to him, I fell into an old pattern last week."

Patton looked up from his recipe: "Sorry kiddo, haven't seen him down here in a while, Logan said Virgil was working on something. Maybe you should check upstairs, he spends a lot of time with Logan lately." He smiled. "I'm glad that they became such good friends. After everything, he's been through…"

"I know Padre but we know better now. Even if I slip up sometimes. All that matters is that we won't repeat past mistakes, we're not casting him out again, okay?"

Patton nodded. "You're right Roman, I'm so proud of you, you know that right? Virgil's not the only one who made some progress."

"And still I yelled at him last week. And I'm only remembering to apologize now that I need him. I'm really a jerk."

"Roman Sanders, don't you dare to beat yourself up over that. Emotions are human and can sometimes go overboard. I do know that best after all. As long as you apologize, I'm sure that Virgil will understand that too. Besides he loves you and knows that you sometimes forget without bad intentions."

"I do hope that padre. Besides Virgil's not the only one who opened up you know? We're all happy that you're not hiding how you really feel anymore," he paused for a moment to flash an affectionate smile at the other, "We really grew together as a family, didn't we?"

"Aww now you're really making me cry, Ro," he sniffled, lifting his glasses and wiping away what little liquid had gathered under his eyes. "Come on, I'm going to search with you. I want to give my dark strange son a hug."

When they went upstairs, they ran into Logan who apparently had just exited his room. It was strange. As soon as the logical side noticed them his eyes shot to his bedroom door he just closed. It was an unusual behavior for their otherwise so calm and collected friend.

"Hey, pocket protector!" Roman greeted the other, eyebrows drawn up, "You awfully look like you've got something to hide." 

As he heard Roman's voice quickly took a few steps in their direction, full attention now turned to them, the steel-blue eyes behind the glasses skipped over Patton before fixating on Roman.

"Roman, I've been meaning to talk to you." His voice lowered almost unnoticeably, a certain undertone in it that seemed just slightly enough out of place to unsettle the other two. It sounded like something was lurking under the usual calmness, ready to pounce like a wild animal if given the opportunity. Roman could feel his heart beginning to pound.

"Virgil told me about your argument." Logan tilted his head and Roman shuddered without knowing exactly why he suddenly felt the need to take a step back.

He gulped and tried to keep his voice normal: "Speaking of the devil, do you happen to know where he is?"

Logan's eyes flickered to his door for a second before he regained his composure and almost nonchalantly addressed Patton while observing Roman: "Patton, would you excuse us?" It didn't sound like a suggestion.

"Uhm," Patton let out, casting an unsure look at Roman beside him, "actually I think I should stay, kiddo."

Anger settled into Logan's features, matching the almost hiss his words came out as: "Why don't you go and do something useful for a change, Morality?!"

Patton couldn't help but show the hurt on his face, not managing to think of a reply instead he looked to the ground.

Then Roman stepped in. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, Logic," he sneered, putting extra emphasis on the other's title, "but if it's about that argument I had with Virgil, that I was just on my way to apologize for just so you know, how about you chill the fuck out and stop attacking Patton for Disney's sake!"

Logan growled. "So now you suddenly care? It's been a week, you idiot! And I'm telling you that, you wannabe prince-" he took a step closer with every word until he stood directly in front of the creative side, causing Patton to shuffle more behind Roman- "you won't get another chance to hurt Virgil."

His battle instincts were the only thing that saved Roman from the knife. 

As soon as he saw Logan reach behind his back and then a glint of silver when the arm was swung in his direction he simply reacted. So he was able to block the hand with the blade before it could cut through his throat, stopping mere inches over his skin. With a swift motion of his free hand, he pushed the knife out of Logan's grip and threw him facefirst on the carpet. He quickly sat on his back, summoned some heavy chains and worked on securing a wriggling Logan. As soon as he was satisfied with his work, he stepped back and drew a trembling Patton into his arms.

Before he could try to soothe the other the screaming started. Logan had managed to roll onto his back, mouth now carpets free and started to yell with hate burning in his eyes: "You'll pay for this! I don't care what I'll have to do but you will suffer, Roman! All the other sides and even Thomas can burn for all I care but you, Roman, you will regret what you've done to Virgil and me! You-"

His screaming was muffled as Roman, face pale, pushed a piece of fabric into his mouth, effectivly gagging him. He then proceeded to pull him to his feet, chains clicking against each other.

"Roman, what-" Patton tried to ask, reaching one hand out as if to stop him.

"Don't worry, padre, the only thing he can do right now is stumbling a few steps. I still don't want to let him out of sight when we're looking for Virgil."

He pushed at Logan's back forcing him to move forward while Patton pressed to his side. They reached the door to Logan's room, Roman didn't bother with knocking but opened it immediately. He frowned at the pitch black darkness in the room before pushing the chained side through the frame and put pressure on his shoulders to force him into a kneeling position on the floor. Then he flicked the light switch, furrowing his brows as the overhead lights didn't turn on on full capacity but somewhat dimmed and with a slightly red hue.

Beside him, he heard Patton draw in a sharp breath, followed by a soft: "God, Virgil…"

Confused Roman followed Patton's line of view to the opposite wall, seeing small a shadow chained to the wall by his wrists only realizing a second later that this was Virgil. Pure terror hit him as he saw the blood that covered his entire body. Blood that came from cuts all over his body. He couldn't seem to take his eyes away from the heavy, ugly scars that littered every inch of skin, his arms, legs, and even his throat. 'And oh god-' Roman felt like he was going to throw up '-are these supposed to be words?' he thought as he looked at the unreadable letters carved into his chest. He couldn't move, frozen to the spot. He couldn't believe that Logan did this to Virgil.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a movement. It was Patton who hesitantly took unsure steps toward Virgil, gently laying a hand on the other's shoulder, trying to wake him up without upsetting his wounds more. Roman prayed that he would wake up, choking on the realization that he couldn't see the anxious side breathing.

"Kiddo?" Patton asked, voice tight with heldback sobs, tears streamed down his face. He immediately withdrew his hand as Virgil shook awake, curling into himself witha whimper. Roman relief to see the other alive was short-lived with how broken the other looked, so different from the Virgil they all grew to love. And now it didn't seem like he recognized them at all, or worse was scared of them.

"Virgil-" Patton pleaded to get the other to calm down in the softest voice Roman had ever heard on him "-please look at me. I won't hurt you, I promise." Virgil seemed to calm down at that, at least he didn't resist when Patton pulled him into his arms. "Let me help you, please."

As the last sentence apparently registered, Virgil lifted his head, his eyes clouded over and to Roman's and Patton's horror exposed his throat to Patton. Roman couldn't take the sight, the sight of their strong and wonderful Virgil being so hurt, presenting his throat, literally begging to be cut again. As he averted his gaze he caught sight of the expression on Logan's face. It sickened him that it looked like pride.

"Ohhh, look at that." Roman suddenly heard coming from the direction of the door. He spun around only to see Deceit nonchalantly striding into the room. "Anxiety devoured itself, Logic went insane and if I see this right," Deceit smirked and gestured to Patton. The fatherly side was on the floor, whispering sweet nothings to Virgil, holding him while gently rocking back and forth, tears streaming down his face while Virgil's expression just remained blank, eyes unfocused. "The heart is broken too, or at least preoccupied." He let out a thunderous laugh.

Roman finally snapped out of his state of shock at the loud sound and drew his sword with a determined expression on his face. He would do anything neccesary to protect what was left of his family, whatever that was.

Deceit tutted: "Tsk-Tsk Roman, you might want to think this through. Do you honestly think that you can take care of Thomas all on your own? You think you can do that, keep him from failing, all alone? While also taking care of this mess? Or do you plan on just abandon them?"

Roman felt his stomach drop, nausea rising in his throat, sending a slight tremble to his hands.

"Think of what could happen to Thomas."

Roman thoughts raced back to when Virgil decided to duck out, even then it had an incredibly bad effect on Thomas and that was only one side missing for such a short time. But with Virgil like this… and Logan locked away… and even Patton- how could he go through this without his family? He stared blankly at the floor, desperately searching for a solution, by the stars he was a prince, he should be able to handle this kind of situation. He should be able to save them and not be so… useless.

Deceits purr yanked him away from his thoughts. "Luckily I'm still here, your highness. I can help you, take their place, just until they're better of course." He didn't mention just how unlikely that was. He took a bold step forward, still wary of the sword and slowly reached out to tilt Roman's chin up with a single gloved finger until the royal was forced to meet his gaze.

"After all every lie needs a little creativity."

Deceit grin grew even wider as the other's tears reflected the light while the sword fell from his limp grasp and hit the floor with a clattering sound.

Outside of the mindscape Thomas bolted upright in his bed, drenched in cold sweat: "Something is not right."


End file.
